On yesterday’s post about couple’s fitness, Carbzilla asked:
“This is such a great post and excellent timing because I was going to ask you if Michael ever got jealous of your gym time (but then that seemed kinda personal).”
It’s an excellent question! I asked Michael if it was too personal and he said no.
When I first started trying to lose the weight, I lived alone and I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time. My time was mine and I could spend it any way I wanted–one of the perks of being a single gal. 😉 I had a lot of free time so after work I started swimming or using the small gym at the community center. My hard work paid off and I lost weight.
Well what happened when I met Michael?
I’d lost about 80 pounds when I met him. I had 20 or so to go and he was very supportive of my goals. At the same time my time was suddenly not all mine. Suddenly there was someone in my life that demanded attention. When I say “demanded attention” it’s not a bad thing. Relationships take hard work on both sides and we MUST make time for each other while balancing our own hobbies and goals. That is definitely something that Michael and I see eye to eye on.
So here I was, a no longer single gal, that suddenly had to figure out how to balance my time in a smart way. I fell in love with this guy:
And I WANTED to spend time with him. Lots of time! He wanted to spend time with me. I would go to the pool right after work, then go over to Michael’s house and eat dinner, spend the night. Or after I worked out at the gym, he’d come over to my house for dinner. That’s how our relationship was for a long time.
As our relationship progressed that time was eventually every day. Weekends were hard because Sundays were always one of my designated swim days. I had a strong desire to get to the pool, but I was conflicted about not spending every moment available with him.
There were times it caused conflict. I remember many Sundays when Michael would try to entice me to skip the pool and stay at his place watching movies… But for the most part Michael has ALWAYS been supportive of me and my goals. He knows how important fitness is to me.
After we moved in together it got much easier to balance everything in our lives. On the weekends I workout in the mornings so he’ll go golfing with friends and when I get back we do things together. Or, like I wrote about yesterday, we workout together by going for a bike ride or hike.
When it comes to Races, Michael’s been supportive for the most part. My first race he was supportive. My second race, he was not.
Shamrock 8k 2010
He fully admits that he was not into it, he didn’t want to go downtown in the freezing cold and stand there while I ran for an hour. He was cranky, I felt his crankiness as we drove downtown–I was nervous about my race and wanted him to be supportive instead of miserable. Once the race started, Michael says that he got pumped up. The energy of so many people running was contagious. He got excited about seeing the fast runners cross the finish line so soon and when I crossed the finish line I saw a big smile on his face! AND when he experienced the excitement as a racer himself (Reach the Beach) his opinion completely changed. When Hood to Coast came around he was my #1 Fan. 🙂
Hood to Coast 2010
Once in awhile my workout schedule can cause conflicts in our relationship. For example, if I’m starting to get sick (like I am now) I tend to listen to my body before I just cancel a workout. If I’m feeling okay, I will still workout. This often frustrates Michael. He wants me to take it easy, stay in bed, not push myself. I know that he’s just worried about my health. I just want to listen to my body. It TELLS me when I’m too sick to workout.
I think that we have a good relationship balance. We each spend time with friends, we spend time together, I get to workout whenever I feel like it, but we compromise often to make sure we’re both happy. I can’t say that there will never be another conflict but I think we handle it well.
QUESTION: Does your fitness routine ever cause conflict in your relationship? How do you handle it and how do you balance your relationship time with your personal/workout time?
Carbzilla
Thanks for your personal and honest response! I’m glad both of you didn’t think that was too intrusive.
I think that partners want to be supportive but may have a hard time factoring in their own stuff. You’ve found a great solution with the shared activities which works for us too and always brings us closer. 🙂
Lisa Eirene
Alone time is good too. It makes us miss our partners and want to see them!
Beth @ Beth's Journey to Thin
I have a rough time in this department because my boyfriend does not work out at all and doesn’t care to. It frustrates me because I want him to work out, and want him to want to work out! I know you can’t make other people do things that you want them to do, but I just wish he wanted it for himself!
Lisa Eirene
That IS frustrating! Michael definitely doesn’t have the fitness level I have. He never feels guilty if he skips his workouts (wish I had that ability) but he does ride his bike when he can.
Jennifer is Always Sick
My husband is absolutely obsessed with ultimate frisbee. It got to be too much with all of his other hobbies and hanging with his friends. Now, though, we have a better schedule. We also have kids, though, so he needs to be home to help me with them. I’m home all day, and mama needs a break! But he has his disc nights, and I respect that and don’t complain when he goes and support him because he enjoys it. I rarely ask him to stay home, and that’s usually if I’m really ill or one of the kids is extremely sick and I need him home to help out with the kiddos.
That used to be hard, but we’ve found a balance in that.
It’s also hard trying to establish the workout routine with the kids around. We have more schedules to work around. My husband works, I stay home, but I work from home, our oldest is in school, and we have friends and the kids friends and play dates etc etc etc…. it’s crazy! lol
Lisa Eirene
Can you do physical activities with the kids? Bike riding? Hiking?
julie
It’s tricky, no? I like to get up (or don’t like, but do) early Saturday morning, go to farmers market, 3h gym, then come and eat brunch or whatever. I like to go often after work for a few hours, which brings me to his house around 8 pm, starving. It’s late for him to eat dinner, but that’s what works for me. I don’t like to stay over on Friday because he wants me to sleep in, not get up at as*crack of dawn to get food, exercise. I eat a veggie-heavy diet, he likes meat. We’re still working it out, but I get uptight when I miss my exercise, as he is painfully learning. We’ll see how it goes.
Lisa Eirene
Yes I was uptight about giving up my workouts too!