Community is such an important thing. You don’t notice how much you need it until you realize you don’t have one.
Growing up in a big Catholic family there was that built-in community at church but at a young age I realized I didn’t believe and felt like I was always standing just outside of that. I didn’t belong at church or the youth group. I was still the outsider. I floated in and out of other communities, religious and philosophical.
I know it’s probably normal to look back on the “old days” or historical time periods and think “things were better back then” but sometimes I really do believe it was. Before the day of the internet and easy access to everything, people were more in touch. Towns were smaller, everyone knew each other and (hopefully) helped each other. Growing up in a bigger city (Seattle) I never really felt like there was a close-knit community.
When I started running I found a community that I FINALLY belonged in. I was so happy! I was never into sports as a kid and discovering fitness later in life, I finally saw the benefits of activities like that. There really isn’t anything quite like being part of a team. Running is a pretty solo activity but you better believe you’re still part of a team if you’re a runner. You have other runner friends. You guys talk and rehash race weekends; you share in the anticipation and the woes of training; you have a common bond that brings you close to sometimes perfect strangers–the #runchat Twitter chat is a perfect example! This can lead to big and awesome things.
So when that community is gone, what happens? With various running injuries over the years, I’ve taken numerous breaks from running. I always had cycling to fall back on. Even if I wasn’t part of the running community, I still was part of some kind of cycling community. I could discuss centuries with other riders, what their favorite bike was, what GUs they preferred…the list is endless.
Then that was gone, too. Gone were the summers where I was super focused on getting my mileage up so that I would be able to participate in an epic ride.
I wanted this post to be an open dialogue about community; how to find your community, how having a community changes us, how to cope when you don’t have one…so what say all of you?
lydia
I feel a little bit of the opposite. The internet helps make communities because it bridges geographical gaps. Small town communities can also come with some definite negative aspects – everyone knows your business, if you’re different it’s as if you are PAINFULLY different, ostracism, etc. The internet can help form communities. I don’t know how many times I’ve felt like I’m not weird or stupid because, “Hey, look! That person feels the same way – I’m not totally alone” in relation to a blog post or a Tweet or even a Facebook message.
Lisa Eirene
I get that! I feel the same way. When I discovered online groups about things I was interested in I joined everything I could. “Meetup” and “Meetin” were great! I never found a really good friend from those common interest meeting groups, but it was still fun.
Rosey Rebecca
I know exactly what you mean about falling in and out of communities, and I agree with Lydia that the internet provides an automatic community for you to fit into whatever niche you want. Most of the reason I blog is to form connections with like-minded people. With my return to blogging after such a long break, it’s nice to feel like part of that community even though it sort of feels like I’m introducing myself all over again.
I also felt that way about cycling. I took a month-long break and it was nice that on my first ride back on Sunday I felt like “part of the gang” when I nodded at other cyclists on the trails.
Lisa Eirene
Thanks for the input Rebecca. I agree. The moving in and out of communities, or taking a break, and finding that people are still there is a good feeling. And yes, not having to start over meeting all new people is nice! It’s great that you slipped back in to the blogging/twitter world with ease!
When I feel out touch with the running or cycling community I feel like I’m not part of the conversation. When Michael starts talking about his goals and how he biked over 2000 miles this year, I don’t have anything to really say, you know? I don’t have a point of view other than “good job honey” and I can’t relate. It’s hard!
Rosey Rebecca
I use that as motivation to start back up again! Or maybe get involved in another community and talk to Michael about that. Mutual support doesn’t have to be for the same hobby!
Lisa Eirene
Great idea!
Courtney @ Don't Blink. Just Run.
I like the idea of it, I’m just incredibly, painfully shy and anxious. I actually just recently branched out and joined the RI Road Runners, a running group in my state. I’m actually attending my first group meeting tonight, which will be the first time I meet some of them. I’m soooo nervous about it but they said the meetings are fairly small so I figure that’s a good start (because there are over 200 members throughout the state I believe). I hope I fit in with their group and am not just the “newbie” runner/group member.
Lisa Eirene
That is so great you joined the Road Runners! When I was running a lot I wanted to do that. What held me back was that I was a slower runner. I thought it would be full of fast runners and I’d be left behind. I know now that it is people of all running abilities and I should have just DONE IT.
bethh
I also have moved in and out of communities – I’m going to get back into biking next year (training for Cycle Oregon) and I look forward to joining the spandex-clad herd, making small talk about favorite rides (mine is Reach the Beach, the 50ish mile version). Currently I belong to a couple of different book groups, and I have some pretty close friends who live not far from me. But I work at home and it’s easy to go all day without leaving the house or interacting with a human! I keep thinking about getting a dog (that’s another community) but I haven’t done it yet.
Some friends have suggested instituting a Sunday night soup night, but we haven’t gotten it off the ground yet. I think lots and lots of people crave community, but it’s hard to dedicate the time and energy into pulling it together. It’s worth it though!
Lisa Eirene
I love the idea of a soup night!! Funny, Michael and I were talking about doing a beer tasting night. 🙂
That’s so cool you are going to do Cycle Oregon. That’s something I’ve wanted to do. Someone I know in spin class does that every year and she loves it. I did the 50 mile Reach the Beach like you and it was a good ride, good distance, if it wasn’t pouring rain I’d do it again. 🙂
You reminded me also that I have a book club. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that but it’s definitely a community too!
Biz
My blog friends are my community! I live in the “sticks” so houses are far apart – we rarely see neighbors in the winter time. My husband has trouble walking, so we don’t do much outside of the house, and I am such a people person! If it were just me I wouldn’t have a problem finding something to do each and every night.
But, I stay socially connected through blogging, and I love it. Hope you find your new group! 😀
Lisa Eirene
Blogging is a great group. I love all the bloggers that I’ve been reading for years now. It feels like they are real friends. 🙂
Yum Yucky
As a kid, I tended to “survive” without community because I lived so far away from the school and my classmates. It made me a loner. Not necessarily a bad thing since it taught me how to be alone, yet happy. Taught me not to be needy of people and rely on them for my own happiness or worth.
But community is definitely important.
As an adult, my family life sucks up a lot of my time, so my blogging community really helps me to escape for friendship and enjoying common bonds. I’m glad you’re my buddy, Lisa!
However, since being a loner as a child, I sometimes (not all the time) have to force myself into community. Because it’s good for me.
I love that you posed this question. Never seen this asked on a blog before!
Lisa Eirene
I love our scrabble games!! 😀
I was the same as a kid. Living in the city there weren’t really any neighborhood kids to play with. I did a lot of solitary things–playing by myself, reading, writing, etc. I was always okay with it. Then I got older and while I wanted to have more friends and people around me, it was also a struggle because my personality was more solitary. I still struggle with that.
Stacie
I agree about the blogging and those that I’ve met in real life, I felt like I already knew them. It’s so great! But I do need more than that. I have a group of friends who like to go to the woods and walk our dogs. We don’t all go every day and sometimes I go alone. But we touch base. That’s my favorite little community right now.
Lisa Eirene
I like that, what a great idea! I will check out different doggy networks/communities. I’d love to meet new people and have Bella meet new puppies!
Jess
I wish I could go to a non religious church. I like the community that goes with being a church goer, but I don’t believe. I told this to my very religious friend and she told me that I should try to believe anyway. Different story though.
I have a community at my gym. Everyone is supportive and caring, and I love my gym community. Sadly, I am moving in a few weeks and I’ll have to get involved in some new communities. It is so hard to make connections as an adult and, to be honest, I’m worried about not finding a community that will accept me in my new city.
Lisa Eirene
I agree with you Jess. Not religious but the community is nice. Alas, it’s not for me.
That’s cool that you have a community at the gym. I go so much that I see the same people and yet I don’t know any of them. When I go to the gym I go and just get things done and then leave. So that’s on me. I COULD reach out and talk to some of the regulars…again, going out of my comfort zone! Yikes!
Jess
I think classes help. And being an extrovert. I will talk to anyone about anything! I do a boxing class twice a week, so I know a lot of people from there. I also know all the trainers, and I’ve done bootcamps. That is around 20-30 people that I see regularly enough to chat to. One woman from boxing is quickly becoming a best friend!
Lisa Eirene
See, that’s awesome! I go to classes and sometimes see regulars but I’m too shy to start a conversation. I need to work on that.
Miz
IT IS THE FIRST SENTENCE FOR ME
(im shouting:))
I THOUGHT I appreciated my community before we moved
I did not.
Lisa Eirene
Moving after you’ve lived somewhere for so long is hard! But I bet you are making lots of new friends.
lisaiscooking
It’s interesting that I’ve been into running for most of my life, but it’s always been a solitary pursuit. I’ve never joined a running club. But, I do have a community at the gym. Spin classes and yoga have brought about a new group of faces to share with and learn from regarding fitness. It does make a big difference.
Lisa Eirene
Running was never solitary for me. I did run by myself but I often went with friends, or at least talked to people about running. Swimming is 100% solitary. It’s impossible to talk to people under water. 😉
Coco
I find “community” in on-line groups. With my work hours I don’t have much other community, but I do have my church and am just starting to be involved with a running group.
Lisa Eirene
Work schedules definitely impact that. Not having social time is detrimental and I think having an online community helps keep that isolation at bay.