There’s been a lot of stuff going on lately in my life. I feel like I’ve been holding a lot of stuff back from this blog of late and I want to explain the best I can. First, let me say that I hate those oh-so-cryptic Facebook updates or Tweets that are vague and alluding to something going on in someone’s life that they aren’t sharing. I don’t want to do that with my blog but the truth is, there are some things that I just won’t talk about here. At least not right now. So I apologize for some vagueness in this post. Maybe soon I can be more specific.
I’ve been feeling like I’m not on the right path for awhile now. Despite this realization that I might want to do something else, I’m pretty much stuck where I am for now. With Michael unemployed, I’m definitely not going to be leaving any jobs to go back to school–especially since I haven’t decided yet what I want to finish my degree in. Feeling stagnant is not a good thing, though. So I’ve been focusing on other things in my life. Changing my workout routine to add more strength training is a new project that I can focus on and I’m a project type of person.
I’ve started taking a medication that supposedly does not cause weight gain as a side effect and yet I’ve been anxious for a month now because I’m paranoid that I will gain weight. I’m trying to be super diligent with my calories, continue my fitness and hopefully the scale won’t reflect a negative change. Then I stepped on the scale a few days ago. It wasn’t my normal time of the month that I usually weigh-in and it also wasn’t first thing in the morning. The scale showed a 2 pound gain. Seriously? It was so deflating.
Now when I look in the mirror I think “WHERE?” Where is that 2 pounds?? I’m going to wait and check again next week at my normal time and cross my fingers that it was just a fluke.
I’ve also been feeling unbalanced for awhile. I feel like my life is a lot of “I should be doing ____”. Like I go to work, I go to the gym, I do house chores and whenever I DO have downtime to myself, I get lost in Netflix (currently mowing through “The Tudors”). This is not a healthy balance. There needs to be more fun, more spontaneity and more downtime in my life. I’ve been struggling to find this balance for awhile and I’ve been trying to make more plans with friends.
A few days ago I got together with a good friend I haven’t seen in a long time. We text a lot back and forth but neither of us are very good at actually making the time to hang out. Tim knew me “before” I lost the weight and was always supportive and encouraging. He reads my blog but never comments–instead texting me his comments. 🙂
I was in the green, ha! I met Tim at a restaurant downtown for happy hour and Michael joined us. We went to the Red Star Tavern. It was a really cute and HUGE place and worth a try if you’re ever in Portland. The best part: their happy hour runs from 4-8. I like those hours.
The happy hour prices were decent. The menu had a lot of different kinds of things. I ordered a glass of the house red and only had one (trying to limit my liquid calories).
We discussed a million things but the bulk of the night was dissecting The Walking Dead. Both Tim and Michael have read the comics so they were cryptically discussing it, teasing me with no spoilers, and making me crazy! I am definitely going to read the comics.
I ate an order of the ham and brie sliders. They were pretty good but lacking something–I think a different kind of cheese that was melted or creamy would be better because it was a tad dry.
Michael and I split an order of the shredded BBQ beef sliders and maybe even an order of jalapeno poppers wrapped in bacon. What I wish I’d gotten was the mini cheeseburger that Tim got. Look at this thing:
I was so happy that I made the time for happy hour, even if I’d been feeling down and tired with my couch beckoning me. We ended up hanging out for over three hours that night talking and I felt like my soul got a boost. Downtime. Spontaneity. Socialization. Taking the time to take care of myself = much better mood.
QUESTION: How to you create a healthy balance in your life?
Eleah
I am guilty of this as well. I laugh (to myself) everytime somebody says, “It’s the weekend!” or, “2 more days until Friday!” Internally I am mumbling something along the lines of, “No “weekend” when you’re studying for the MCAT and taking classes..”Even last night, as I got off the bus, the bus driver said, “Now I want you to do something for me. SMILE! It’s almost Friday.” I smiled to make him happy but it wasn’t genuine.
My MCAT book even says, “If you aren’t studying to the point where you’re exhausted from studying, you’re not doing enough. This is not the time in your life to slack off or relax…” Refreshing, text, thank you!
Lisa Eirene
I am so glad you could relate! And compared to you, my stress and chores is nothing! It sounds like you are working really hard and while it will pay off in the end, I’m sure it’s exhausting right now. That quote from your MCAT book is both ridiculous, hilarious and exhausting.
Roz@weightingfor50
I wish I could send a big hug down to Portland Lisa!!! I can so relate. My husband isn’t working right now, and I feel a bit trapped too. HOWEVER, I know it’ll all work out for us all!!! Things happen for a reason, and we have no idea what is around the corner. In the meantime, keep having fun, we’ll do the same up here. Have a great Thursday.
Lisa Eirene
Thanks Roz! I try to remind myself that there is a reason for everything. And while Michael being unemployed really sucks, and really throws a wrench in our plans and lifestyle, it’s kind of been a good thing. He’s been working diligently on the house remodeling projects that have taken a back seat for years because we were too busy. Our kitchen is close to being done, which is awesome!
Lori
Well, isn’t life really all about trying to find balance? Nobody is balanced all the time and the pendulum can swing far and wide in any area of our lives. Sometimes you just have to write out the goals of what needs to get done and what you want to get done and put it together like a puzzle.
My email is always open if you need it!
Lisa Eirene
Yes! Life is definitely about finding balance and I’m just sucking at that lately. I’m trying to be better about it. I like your idea of writing out goals. It’s been awhile since I’ve done that.
Thanks for the positive vibes and the email chat offer. 🙂
Jess
Right, if I was in Portland (or, ya know, the USA) I would take you out for a wine and a hug!
BUT I am going to say this: You are smart, and you KNOW not to weigh yourself unless it is first thing in the morning. I weighed myself during the day once, and I was up 4 pounds! Not going to do that again, because I was back to my normal weight in the morning. Our bodies fluctuate!
Lisa Eirene
Thanks Jess! I’m always up for a girl’s night out and wine. 😀
Yes, I know not to weigh myself. It was stupid. Masochistic? Glutton for punishment? I knew I shouldn’t weigh myself, but did it anyway.
Christa
I only weigh first thing in the morning because I’m pretty sure it’s the only way to compare apples to apples. If I got on the scale dressed, during the day, I’d expect to see +5 at least!
And has anyone taken you to task yet for calling Walking Dead a “comic”? I’m pretty sure you have to call it a “graphic novel” or the nerds will kill you. ;-D
Christa
Oh, and I do live in Portland–gonna have to check out the Red Star!
Lisa Eirene
Hey! Fellow Portlander! I love hearing from my local readers. Let me know what you think of Red Star if you try it.I’d like to go back and try their entrees. They looked good.
Lisa Eirene
GASP!!!!! I am so sorry nerds. Ahem, Graphic Novel. 🙂 I still want to read it.
I agree with you. And after a lot of trial and error, I discovered the “perfect” time to weigh in so that it was consistent. It was exactly 7 days after my period ended, first thing in the morning before food, undressed. That has been the most accurate number.
Carbzilla
I love you because you always strive for better. 🙂
Though I’m not a religious person, there were times during my unemployment when I just “gave it over.” There were even times when I prayed. I do believe that things happen for a reason and that we only have control over so much. As a total control freak, that’s hard for me to accept but then the world showed me that I really had no choice. It was very humbling.
Lisa Eirene
If I didn’t strive for better, I’d still be that old Me and we never would have met. 🙂
I am a control freak too, at least about myself, so giving things “up” for a higher power is difficult. I’m not religious but I do follow a path and I’ve gotten away from it. I need to figure out how to accept what things are is what they are and that I can’t try to fix everything. And how to live in the moment.
Diane, fit to the finish
Hugs to you Lisa. I too have gone through periods of time in my life where I just felt unsettled and like things were missing. You are smart to think about it while at the same time paying attention to your health. That 2 lb. weight gain? You know, just like I do, that a small gain like that is likely just a normal fluctuation.
Take care of yourself my friend.
Lisa Eirene
Thanks, Diane. I’m sure it is a natural fluctuation. But of course my mind is playing tricks on me.
I have a mini vacation coming up soon and I think that will reset my “funk.”
Dr. J
I’ve found that when I start tipping, I usually go a little farther than I would like before I notice and make a correction. I guess that’s just the way we are 🙂
You are doing the right thing with tracking your calories while being on that med.
I’ve had that scale shock too 🙂
You will be fine!
Lisa Eirene
Thanks, Dr. J! This time I did recognize that I was “tipping” too far one way before I got deep into the funk. I’m righting the ship now, slowly but surely. Tracking calories is helping, but of course that doesn’t silence the little voice in my head that says “I know I just ate a satisfying dinner, but I really want to KEEP EATING EVERYTHING!”
Jill
I relate to this post Lisa. First- hug! I am sorry you are in this “place”. For me I have called it a “rut”. This past year I have been in a rut. If not for our move to England- then I would be on the same page with you. I have been very stagnant and not making progress in any areas of my life. Just floating along- not good, not bad. I wish I knew what would push you out of your rut. I really feel for you and wish I had the answer. Oh- about those 2 pounds??? I don’t see them! You look amazing in that photo- I would kill for your tummy area!!!!!!!
Lisa Eirene
Thank you, Jill! I appreciate your positive comments. 🙂 Yes, this winter has been a “rut” for me. Sometimes it’s hard to dig ourselves out of that rut. I’m going on a mini vacation this weekend that has boosted my mood tremendously and I think better weather coming will help. I think your move to England is going to be a good thing for you. It may be rocky at first, but it will definitely get you out of the “Floating” and “rut”!