Is Being A Bad Cook A Relationship Dealbreaker?
I saw this headline come through my RSS feed and had to read the article. It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve read in a long time. Why would something like that be a deal breaker in a relationship? To me, deal breakers are things like “he does drugs, he smokes, we have very different views on religion and politics” etc…But cooking?
So putting aside my annoyance at the chauvinism and stereotypes, the topic made me wonder about cooking and relationships. (You can read the article here but there’s not much substance to it.)
If you are in a committed relationship, who does the cooking? Do you share? Do you guys split the duties?
I never liked cooking. I never learned as a kid. My mom isn’t the best cook, although she can bake really well (which is what I can do too). Hmmm, if cooking was a deal breaker my parents never would have gotten together! When I moved out on my own I cooked most of the my foods from a box. I preferred those “helper” meals. It was easy and almost fool-proof for a non-cooker like me.
I always liked baking and was really good at it. I could create recipes on my own when it comes to desserts (which is not the norm for me because I’m a recipe follower). But when it came time to lose the weight I stopped baking. I wasn’t cooking either–just nuking Lean Cuisines in the microwave and making a salad.
Michael is most definitely the cook in our relationship. Not only is he better at it, he enjoys it. He loves cooking. He’s good at “winging it” and I’m totally comfortable with being the one who preps everything and then cleans up afterward. It works well for us. He dislikes cleaning the kitchen and I’d rather clean than cook.
That’s not to say that I never cook. In the last year I’ve been doing a lot of cooking, recipe experimenting and trying things on my own in the kitchen. And surprisingly more often than not they are successful! What I love best about this experimenting is that it’s fun and I feel like I’ve accomplished something when dinner turns out okay. Earlier this year I even cooked a four course dinner for Michael’s birthday! That was a huge challenge for me but it was also so much fun!
I’ve been spreading my wings in the kitchen lately and I like it. AND I’ve been lucky to have a partner who supports most of my wacky kitchen ideas…and will eat the food even if it’s not a home run. 🙂
So now I’m asking you guys….what’s your relationship dynamic? Who cooks? Who cleans? How do you make it work?
Carbzilla
We take turns though it’s been mostly me lately. We both cook components (rice, meat, veggies) and then put it together ourselves (we don’t eat dinner together every night – Chris likes to eat way later than I do).
I have a friend who does not cook AT ALL and neither does her boyfriend. I have no idea how they get by. The eat A LOT of meals out. That, to me, is crazy.
Lisa Eirene
We do something similar to you guys–Michael is MUCH better at cooking proteins than me. So he usually does the meat and I do the rest of the stuff. I prep the food, cut veggies, make salads, etc.
We almost always eat dinner together (which I love).
I do not get people that can afford to eat out all their meals. I know people like that too.
Eleah
I do most of the cooking, but Ryan almost always steps in to see if I need any help. He will do a full meal every now and then when I’m really busy or if he gets home first. We both enjoy it.
Lisa Eirene
I enjoy cooking together! I think it’s a really fun way to spend time with my significant other.
Dan
My wife and I definitely split cooking duties. Our cooking enthusiasm, as well as our abilities, are about equal. Although she’s a vastly superior baker.
She definitely blows me away when it comes to southern comfort food, however. (She DID grow up down here). Her biscuits and gravy are incredible! Too much so, actually. Twice a year max, or our life insurance premiums will skyrocket.
Lisa Eirene
I love it when couples can compliment each other’s strengths. Have you picked up any southern comfort food skills cooking with her? I recently went to Texas and got to experience real southern comfort food. Oh my! Cheesy grits! Amazing!
Roz@weightingfor50
I do 100% of the cooking, my husband isn’t interested, and I love it. However, as I cook, he cleans up, so it works for us both. And I agree, that article is silly. Have a good Thursday Lisa!!!
Lisa Eirene
I think as long as couples share the chores (one cooks, the other cleans, etc) then it’s okay. I’d be unhappy if I did all the cooking and the cleaning!
Sara
Ya know this is tricky in my relationship. Nick travels a lot so most of the week I’m on my own and so it’s not even an issue. And when Nick is home he very much prefers pizza, tacos, mac n cheese, ramen noodles, and hotdogs, and all sorts of foods that if I ate on a regular basis would get me regaining weight I’ve just lost. I cook tofu, quinoa, veggies, and typically foods that Nick just isn’t really interested in trying or eating. So our latest compromise is – you’re on your own. We even sometimes don’t eat at the same time since I’m perpetually hungry/eating and Nick isn’t. Once in a while we’ll make 1 thing to share and make similar meals and sometimes we’ll take turns cooking a meal for both of us but normally we just eat whatever we want when we want. I think if we had kids or if Nick were in town more often and we wanted to be more family like I’d work on making meals more friendly to Nick and still friendly to my waist…but for now this works. I know at one point I actually did think “is this going to be an issue for us?” but breaking up or even thinking of breaking up over eating habits is just ridiculous. We don’t judge each other’s eating habits and frankly we enjoy doing many other more important things together than eat – so who cares? It works for us 😛
Lisa Eirene
You bring up a good point about relationships. Sometimes it’s less about who cooks and who cleans and more about how different diets can put a strain on a relationship. I think that could definitely be an issue. Michael is pretty good about eating “Real food” and taking care of himself but he is WAY more apt to want to eat pizza, nachos, hot dogs, etc and I almost always want to eat healthy food. I often have to give in and compromise and eat the “junk food” once in awhile.
I think you guys are doing what works for you and eventually, like you said, that might have to change. Lets hope the transition is easy. 🙂
Sara
My observation has been that regardless of what and when we eat, neither one of us is upset about it. I know when he first moved in I was a little upset about it only because I couldn’t partake in the junk eating and I was upset and pretty much everyone who got to eat how they wanted without having to think about their weight. And I took a lot of it out on Nick. BUt as I’ve grown to accept this is how I actually want to live/eat other people’s eating habits don’t affect me as much. Nick knows I’m trying to be healthier and is always there to help support me when I have days I want to just dig into his pizza 😉 (partly probably because he doesn’t want me to eat it) and sometimes he welcomes me to have an “off day”.
I hope if we have to change our habits they go smoothly, too 😉 But I do know my healthy tendencies have influenced NIck at least a little bit – which is always helpful 😉
Lisa Eirene
I went through something similar, Sara. When I first moved in with Michael I thought I could eat the stuff he ate and as much as he ate–not so much. I gained a few pounds before I realized that I needed to keep doing what worked for ME. 🙂
Karen@WaistingTime
This cracked me up because I’m the cook and I hate cooking. I’ll clean as I go but my husband will do anything left at the end, like the pot or whatever. Last night I left the crockpot in the sink and he got to it after I went to bed. I feel I should cook more. But now with the nest empty, neither my husband or I mind “fending for ourselves.” We eat when we are hungry and what we want from stuff on hand. We keep lots of stuff around to choose from. But, I still cook dinner periodically. I feel like I should. And I will when my boys are home.
Lisa Eirene
My dad doesn’t cook at all and now that my brother and I are out of the house I think my mom still cooks for him because of that. But I bet they don’t make anything that elaborate for just the two of them. And sometimes fending for yourself is just so much easier!
Candace
It’s interesting to hear everyone’s responses. I love to cook, I always have, so I do 100% of the cooking and cook pretty much every day of the week. I realized a while ago that the kitchen is my domaine and I can’t handle anyone else cooking in my household. (What a control freak right?) I thought I would enjoy coming home to my boyfriend starting dinner but we tried that once and it drove me nuts. Well I take that back, he does do the grilling during the summer, and that’s okay because it’s not in MY kitchen. 🙂
Lisa Eirene
You sound JUST like Michael! He says the kitchen is his domain and he used a very different word than control freak, but it means the same. LOL
Samantha
That’s so wonderful that you and Michael balance each other out and also inspire eachother! I’m so glad you are enjoying cooking too! For me I am a natural cook like Michael, I wing it a lot but am a terrible baker. I just can’t get it right and it drives me crazy! How can I be a good cook and a crappy baker at the same time. I need to make a goal for myself to get better at baking. Healthy baking that is!
XO
Sam
Lisa Eirene
I wish I was a natural like you two!