The recent #fitblog Twitter chat was an interesting topic. I think dating while trying to lose weight can be a challenge for anyone. Dating often means eating out–restaurants, happy hour, romantic evenings, delicious desserts because you don’t want the date to end…It’s easy to pack on the pounds when you’re in love.
When I started to lose my 100 pounds I was recently single. I had free time, no distractions and the motivation to lose the weight. I dated a few guys during the 2 years it took to lose the weight but I never let that distract me from my ultimate goal: losing the weight.
Not all of the guys I dated were supportive. In fact, one in particular did everything he could to sabotage my efforts. He did not remain in my life for long. Thankfully. When I met Michael I was fairly close to my goal weight. I had about 20 pounds to go I think. He has always been supportive of my efforts to lose weight. Not everyone joined me in my journey. I’m glad Michael did.
The Portland Century
Q1) How important is it for you to date/marry someone interested in being fit?
It is extremely important to me that I am with someone who is interested in health and fitness. My life is a lot different now than it was at 250 pounds. I grew to love fitness and eating healthy. I cannot imagine going back to the old ways.
I want my partner to live a long and healthy life with me. That means staying fit, exercising and eating healthy.
Q2) How do you balance staying fit, blogging, work/school and DATING?
I have a workout schedule that’s built into my life just like work is. It’s on my Google Calendar and Michael is cool with the schedule. A few nights a week I go to the gym after work and then we eat dinner together when I get home. On the weekends when I head to the pool he’s usually watching sports on TV anyways so it’s not a big deal.
Michael and I eat most of our dinners together, we eat breakfast together. We make plans together like Date Nights. As for blogging–it take a back seat to my actual life. If I don’t have time for it, I don’t stress it.
Q3) Did you or when did you tell the person you were dating you had a blog?
I was already dating Michael when I started this blog. He has helped me tremendously with some of the technical issues I’ve had. I really appreciate how understanding he is on the topic of the blog. In the beginning I didn’t take photos of Michael for the blog and I tried to limit the personal things I shared. Now I am more open about things. I’d ask Michael before posting personal things out of respect to him and his anonymity. He’s become more relaxed about those things.
In terms of balancing the blog, I do it on my own time. The only time the blog really “interferes” with our lives is when I take pictures of the food before we eat it. 🙂 I think that annoys Michael sometimes. Especially when he’s hungry!
Q4) Do you like working out with your significant other? Or do you like to keep working out and relationships separate?
Yes! I love sharing my fitness with the love of my life. It means a lot to me that we can do things together to stay healthy. Michael got me into cycling, which I have grown to love. One of my favorite things to do with Michael is biking in events like the Portland Century. We also hike together and go snowshoeing in the winter. It means so much to me to have fitness in common with my boyfriend. It’s honestly a deal breaker. I don’t think I’d be with someone that just wanted to sit on the couch all the time. That’s not my life anymore.
The gym is “me time.” Michael does not want to join a gym. In the beginning of our relationship I had hoped he would want to join the gym and we’d work out together but it’s not for him. He’d much rather workout at home or on the bike. And that’s okay. It’s good to have something separate that’s just MINE. I love my gym time!
It’s About Priorities
My priorities in life are my partner, my animals and my health. It’s all about balance. My life is not all about working out or counting calories. I still have fun. I eat treats, I go wine tasting, I love trying new restaurants with my boyfriend. Without doing too much damage to my waistline….!
QUESTION: How would you answer these questions?
Sara
1. I agree that it is important to me for my significant other be at least some what active. I don’t care what kind of active – just at least a little bit or at least willing to support me in what I do (i.e. come out to horse shows, watch me at 5Ks, etc). Nick and I share rock climbing as our main activity but honestly, I don’t care if he doesn’t want to be more active just as long as he is not threatened or doesn’t support of my high level of activity.
2. I make sure working out is a priority but also try and make my schedule work for me. If I want to hang out after work, I work out at lunch. It’s all about moderation and taking the time to just find the time. There is always time. You just have to find it.
3. Not really. I only have told my Mom straight up. My blog is public but it’s not
searchable so really it’s half private. My boyfriend knows I blog or do some form of online journaling but I don’t think he’s ever read it or really cared too much.
4. I like both. I LOVE climbing with Nick! In fact sometimes I’m too reliant on him with climbing. But horseback riding is my thing and I like it that way. I don’t mind if Nick wants to run with me ( he has done a mudrun and a session of ROAD with me) but sometimes I get too competitive and just would rather have the alone time. I think part of it stems from being an only child. I used to wish Nick would workout with me all the time but after I accepted he just has different priorities/hobbies that it doesn’t mean I can’t still workout or that we can’t still do other stuff together.
Lisa Eirene
1. I agree–it doesn’t matter what kind of activity they do. It could be flag football with the guys, or walking.
2. YES! There is alwaystime! You do have to find it. I used to run at lunch time so that I could do fun things in the evening!
Thanks for sharing, Sara!
RunEatRepeat
As long as Ben doesn’t stop me from running I’m happy 🙂 I don’t need someone who is active since it’s my special little time solo anyways.
Lisa Eirene
Do you and Ben do any physical activities together? I saw you hiked on vacation…
Leah @ L4L
This is a great topic!
Q1) How important is it for you to date/marry someone interested in being fit?
This wasn’t something that was important to me until I became healthy and fit. Now I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone whose goals didn’t align with mine.
Q2) How do you balance staying fit, blogging, work/school and DATING?
Well, I’m not dating, just married, but I imagine it is the same for every serious relationship. Like you, I have a workout calendar and it is a priority. I try to be involved with my husband as much as possible with it – doing the same lifting program, running together, playign racquetball together. Blogging is an afterthought and doesn’t really impact my life balance whatsoever. Anymore.
Q3) Did you or when did you tell the person you were dating you had a blog?
I was already dating Jodus when I started my blog and he was fully supportive.
Q4) Do you like working out with your significant other? Or do you like to keep working out and relationships separate?
I like working out with him, but not all the time. Sometimes, working out is my alone time, or time to catch up with a girlfriend/running buddy. We used to do every workout together and it drove me a little batty so I prefer the balance we have now – we pass each other in the gym, we play racquetball weekly, run together when we can, go on family walks to unwind.
Lisa Eirene
1) It wasn’t important to me either until I got healthy. Then it became a bigger issue.
2) That’s great that you guys have enough in common to do some activities together. I agree, the blog is an afterthought now.
Roz@weightingfor50
Love this post (and the post on friends). My husband is far less active than I am, but he will do some things with me (walking, working out with our Wi, swimming) so it works. He’s very supportive of our healthy eating and is proud of my blog. He encourages me to be the best I can be, and I’m very grateful for his support. He too can get annoyed by the photos though. 🙂 Blogging has introduced me to new electronic friends, but it has caused me to lose one real life friend. (who read my blog and got hurt that I did things (workouts, healthy dinners out) with many other people and felt I had no time for her. She felt a bit left out (though I did spend time with her – I guess in her mind, just not enough) and in no uncertain terms let me know. It hurt for a while, but the way I see it, she wasn’t a true friend if she didn’t support my decision to live a healthy life and surround myself with several “circles”. I also realized I simply can’t be the kind of friend she craves, I can only be true to myself, my husband and my family. The rest of life will fall into place around it. Sorry for this long rambling comment, have a great Monday.
Lisa Eirene
As long as partners are at least supportive and understanding, I think a non-active and an active person can make it work. The nice part about being able to be active together is spending time together doing things like hiking, racquetball, etc.
That’s too bad about your friends. I went through something similar too.
Samantha
Oh Lisa Eirene you guys are such a team! I love it! It’s so nice to see into your relationship.
And you get to have breakfast together, what a lovely simple pleasure!
XO
Sam
Lisa Eirene
Neither of us are very awake at breakfast, but yeah, it’s nice to eat together. 🙂
Mary (A Merry Life)
Great post! I think in my relationship we try to make sure we are supporting each other’s fitness goals. Kepa wants to do martial arts and I prefer triathlons so we don’t necessarily do the same stuff but we encourage each other.
Lisa Eirene
And I think that’s the key: encouragement and support. We don’t have to love the same things as our partners but respecting their time to do what they love and vice versa is important.
Lori
Great post!
John and I went through periods of dieting over our 17+ years together. Me more than him, though LOL.
This last time a few years ago where I really changed my lifestyle inspired John to change his. It took a year or so of me consistently doing it. I never pushed him or anything. I just led by example, and he never tried to sabotage me.
I love that we bike together. It is just so much fun to have a biking buddy. He doesn’t do other things. He does not belong to the gym, and that is my private workout time.
Lisa Eirene
I honestly don’t have a history of dieting. I’m glad the first “diet” I tried actually worked!
That’s cool that you were able to inspire John to make is own changes. You don’t strike me as the “pushy” type. 🙂
Karen@WaistingTime
My husband was an athlete in school. I never exercised. Decades later, he is my cardio partner. At first I didn’t like that. Workouts were time for myself and on my schedule. But now I love it and miss him when I have to do it alone.
Lisa Eirene
That’s cool. I’m so used to working out alone it sometimes feels weird to do it with a partner. But I do miss my friend Robyn in the fitness classes when we don’t go together!
Marie
You guys are a great match! I think it’s cool you’ve started cycling with him, I’d love to get into that some day.
My husband has really has helped me to stay motivated during the pregnancy. We usually run to the gym, but now he hangs back and walks with me, then he works out while I swim. I know I wouldn’t be going as often if he weren’t going too. I could be VERY easily talked out of it if he were to say, “aw, just stay home and watch tv with me!” so I’m glad he’s been a positive influence.
Lisa Eirene
We are a pretty good match. He doesn’t give me a hard time when I want to go to the gym (“me time”) and he encourages me on the bike when I’m struggling.
That’s really sweet about your husband! He sounds like a good guy. Support while you’re pregnant is sooo important! I imagine it can be very hard to find motivation to move. Sometimes you just need someone to say “let’s go for a walk.”
Lori Lynn
I’m single, and I know that I think it would be hard for me to date someone that wasn’t active and didn’t like working out. If I have someone to do something with, I think it helps with being active.
Lisa Eirene
It definitely does! I agree with that.